Introduction
Your outer world is a reflection of your inner-state, and the type of vibrations you throw out into the world are reflected right back.
Someone who lives to see the good in the world and in people is a reflection of their inner-world, just as those who are angry and spiteful see this as a reflection of themselves.
In short, real recognizes real.
Understanding Ourselves in the Context of ‘Others’
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves”
-Carl Jung
If you see a cute and happy couple and it fills you with envy and annoyance, it has nothing to do with them and has everything to do with you.
Why don’t you feel happy for them? Because you are not satisfied with your relationships.
Why do the people laughing and having a good time annoy you? Because you are miserable.
Just as those who unironically view themselves as ‘superior’ to others and have a God complex are actually making up for the deep inferiority complex that actually populates their psyche.
The rule is that the Ego will try to justify itself, whether it is for your own good or downfall, but only for its own survival–it exists in a lower plane of consciousness.
But those who live an authentic life with their heart on their sleeve will see things differently, instead of living a life that is predominantly dominated by their Ego, they want to be net-positive in the world.
Now this is no reason to be naïve and see the world in rose colored glasses, but to dare to actually give a shit about being good, like actually good.
Because there is a huge difference between people that say they’re a good person and people who are actually good.
“The biggest ego trip is the trip of being “a good person.”
-Naval Ravikant
Goodness doesn’t require the validation of anyone but yourself, and anyone who tries to justify their goodness in performative ways are phonies and should be avoided.
Choose to do good things for yourself and others and ask for nothing in return, otherwise this “goodness” is simply masquerading as selfishness and to coddle your fragile Ego.
Understanding Your Shadow
Those who believe that they are this binary “good” person are the worst of them all.
They don’t believe they have any capacity for evil, they never check their own humanity because they believe they are totally righteous and incapable of harm.
That’s why the idea of a “nice guy” is so unattractive to women. These types of men are like vipers: performative and inauthentic, and actually more machiavellian than one might think, ready to strike and reveal their true selves when an opportune moment presents itself.
Luckily women are so innately skilled at reading vibes and that’s why they are so repulsed by this archetype, they lack any semblance of authenticity and their whole lives are a deception.
That’s not to say you need to be a mean son of a bitch to attract people into your life but you need to have some edge, some capacity for destruction if need be, but most importantly you need to stand for something, otherwise you stand for nothing.
“I don’t think that you have any insight whatsoever into your capacity for good until you have some well-developed insight into your capacity for evil”
-J.B. Peterson
Beauty ≠ Goodness
Vanity and superficial ‘beauty’ has nothing to do with being good even if our brains trick us into thinking so; we’re inherently biased to think in this manner–ever heard about pretty privilege?
“The studies found that attractive adults are judged to be more competent in the workplace, have better social skills, and be better adjusted than their less attractive peers.”
Langlois et al. (2000)
(Before I continue please, don’t hate me because I am beautiful…)
“It is amazing how complete the delusion that beauty is goodness”
-Leo Tolstoy
This is one of the big reasons a lot of men make critical errors when choosing a partner.
Men are such visual creatures and oftentimes fall in love with the way someone looks rather than for their heart (I’ve been guilty of this many times).
But when I learned the true nature of them, what their soul and essence was like, no matter how physically attractive they were I cannot help but see the ugliness of their heart.
The façade of others can only last so long before the authenticity of a person shines through, and like the allegory of the cave you cannot unsee or unlearn and return to the old ways.
Once you “catch the ick” you cannot return to a world without the ick, for the truth cannot un-reveal itself. You have left the cave and may never return to the way it was.
Plato’s “The Allegory of the Cave” depicts the journey from ignorance to enlightenment, illustrating how individuals can be trapped by illusions of reality until they break free to perceive the truth.[1]
Being Authentic & “Attracting” What You Want in Life
You have probably heard the terms “law of attraction” and “manifesting” be thrown around willy-nilly, but when we take a closer look we can elucidate something of substance.
On a psychological level, our world is built around many things: self-image, thoughts, emotions, memories, beliefs, desires, values, and subconscious processes, all of which co-exist and influence each other.
Let’s focus specifically on our self-image, thoughts, and beliefs.
What does a confident and non-attached person look like?
- You identify as a whole person that you don’t need someone to ‘complete you’
- You believe in yourself and your ability to succeed and how to deal with failures
- Your thoughts work in your favor rather than to degrade you in the form of self-sabotage
- You develop confidence because your thoughts and beliefs are in line with your actions
- You have respect for yourself, you respect others, and do not tolerate disrespect
We live in our heads all day long and life will unsurprisingly live it out as a self-fulfilling prophecy, we will get exactly what we think we deserve, and it will feel like fate.
For example, needy and desperate people are actually pushed further away from their desires.
Because they focus all the time on what they lack, rather than the amazing things they already have within them and the bountiful opportunities around them.
Whereas the actualized person doesn’t need anything because they already have everything within themselves, and everything else in life is extra and comes from abundance, and new and exciting opportunities seemingly fall out of the sky with ease.
(Caveat: this only works when it is authentic, you can only fake something for so long).
For example, listening to positive affirmations, telling yourself in the mirror how much you love yourself are not permanent solutions, more often than not these will just reprogram you temporarily.
Unless you do all of the work to become the type of person who believes they deserve to feel in such a way, they will revert back to old habits and thought patterns because their identity is not actually changed.
Change yourself and your mind for the better and you will alter yourself on a systemic (subconscious) level that will last a lifetime, and your future self will thank you.
References:
[1] By 4edges – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=73850232
Matt, thank you for that! I just love your text.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.
My dad always told me to think positive, to vibrate positive and things like that, and I always thought “that’s bs”.
I had a bad time because of the way I used to see things in such a negative way, I had real bad thoughts and just didn’t realize how rich and lucky I was (and still am).
I was told that we always have two sides in life: the good and the bad one, and we are the ones that choose which side we wanna be. And I have a big friend that says something like “until everything went wrong, the optimist suffered less”…
This: “we will get exactly what we think we deserve, and it will feel like fate”. It’s something that has been happening to me, and I think it’s so funny how things are, I can’t explain, but I feel that I’m a real lucky person. Like almost all the things I want, they become real, they really happen. That’s crazy. “new and exciting opportunities seemingly fall out of the sky with ease.” That’s how it feels, it really feels like fate.
At long last, I admire your way of thinking and I agree with most of it. I appreciate it and I’m glad to read your text.
Thank you! Obrigada! 🥰
(Ignore possible english errors, I hope you understand 😂 sorry).
Hey Carol, de nada e obrigado pelas palavras amáveis!
I used to have a similar problem, being overly negative and critical of myself (and by extension of others and of the world in general).
But once you flip this switch in your mind and realize life’s not so black and white and that your attitude and mindset are totally within your control, you can cognitively re-frame any ‘bad’ situation into something good by simply taking something positive from it.
For example, rather than looking at failures as some terrible thing, understand that they are inevitable and are simply learning opportunities and all this pressure of failing floats away… Regarding “until everything went wrong, the optimist suffered less” I agree, and even if things are going to be ‘bad’ in the future, you don’t need to needlessly suffer and have this mindset drag you down.
We should all aspire to think in a harmonious way that serves our needs and wants in life, why have it any other way?
The human mind is incredible, when we use it correctly and do the work necessary to succeed we cannot help but be filled with these feelings of abundance. The harder we work to achieve a goal, the more we will feel like we deserve it.
If things came so easy to us, we may instead feel like it is unearned because we didn’t learn the necessary lessons to fully appreciate and understand the gifts we’ve been given… that’s why gratitude is such a powerful emotion.
Anyways, thanks again for your appreciation and insight.
-Matt