Introduction
I’ve observed the term “find oneself” to be thrown around without a proper understanding of what it actually entails.
Because you don’t “find yourself” on a beach somewhere drinking margaritas—You find it by fulfilling your destiny.
Instead of focusing on what you desire, focus on the being the person where your desires inevitability come to you.
You won’t get rich by focusing on money, you get rich by being able to provide value to another human.
Money is just a reward, it’s the skills that are learned along the way and the type of person you become that are the real reason you’ll get paid the big bucks.
You won’t attract your dream partner by trying to force it to happen because true love isn’t found in desperation and neediness.
You’ll meet them by building a life that attracts the right type of person into your life, so take care to build it in a way that you genuinely love and the right person will invariably come along and be delighted to build their life right alongside of you.
Once you strip away all of your superficial desires and focus on the power you have within you, then you can actually start working to get what you really want out of life.
Stop trying to sit there and “manifest” your dream reality without putting in the time.
In the end fear is the only thing that stands in your way, which is silly considering the stakes.
Why Your Desires Preclude You
Unsurprisingly most people want to be the best version of themselves, but instead of going hard working on themselves to make their dreams a reality, they pursue some external thing whereby they ironically lose the one thing that actually matters—their authenticity.
You’ll be mindlessly chasing money, girls, pleasure, and status while simultaneously wondering why you don’t really have any of them.
You get what you deserve, not what you think you deserve and your life is a reflection of your true self.
Now some level of delusion is somewhat necessary to fulfill any huge dream but delusion plus inaction equals insanity.
Things like the power of belief or the law of attraction only work when quantum forces come together and bring it into being, letting the stars align and your authentic-self able to shine.
For most people their problem is simple… they’re focusing their psychic energy on the wrong thing, because focusing specifically on the desires you lack naturally causes you to suffer, and forces you to be stuck in a scarcity mindset.
When the Buddhists said “desire equals suffering” I actually agree and see it to be true, because in my view, it doesn’t mean that it is bad to have desires at all, but being fixated on them causes you to become blind to the work that will actually take you where you want to go.
You’ll forever be stuck in a wheel of suffering.
Negative emotions are oftentimes debilitating when you allow them to build up inside of you.
When you only focus on your desirable end-goal in order to motivate yourself to win, you’ll get filled with feelings that prevent you from ever taking action in the first place.
Wanting is never enough and wanting by itself it is an empty emotion.
For example, wanting to be “happy” is not an actionable goal, it’s a temporary emotion.
You can feel joy at any time by shifting your focus to the present moment and by being grateful for what you already have or by simply doing things that bring you joy—not by sitting there frustrated wondering why you’re without happiness at all times.
Emotions ought to be looked at like feedback, when you’re doing the right things everyday, your emotional state will follow suit.
If you’re feeling shitty and depressed and sad, it’s your mind trying to tell you to make a change.
Unfortunately, many people misconstrue these emotions as a character trait and attach them to their personality causing needless suffering.
But you are not your emotions, and to become the best version of yourself you have to rise above your emotions and see them for what they are.
Now do not ignore them, but also don’t give them more power than they deserve.
“Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go.”
Mooji
Once you’re able to re-frame your mind then you can actually start to make progress towards getting what you want.
Don’t spend your precious mental energy fixated on what you don’t have, this will put you into a negative mind state.
Here’s what you should do:
- Accept your reality for what it is
- Make a plan to improve specific parts of it
- Execute it with unmatched tenacity and strength of will
By working everyday towards your goals you’ll give yourself undeniable evidence that you’re on the right track, and you’ll be able to lean into it more and more.
When you have momentum you’ll reach a point where you’ll inevitably skyrocket yourself into the life of your dreams.
Even if you fail it’s just a temporary setback that will teach you valuable lessons that sets you apart from everyone, because most people are so paralyzed by their fear of failure they blink and their whole life passes them by.
Getting good at things and holding yourself in high esteem gives you the intangibles that gives you an edge over 99.99% of people—unshakeable confidence in yourself and your mission in life.
Once you find this confidence within yourself regardless of where you are in your development, you’ll find that your going to win no matter what.
You know deep down you are the man and nothing can take that away from you.
Stop Looking for Shortcuts
This may sound redundant but if you want to be the man you have become the man.
Work cannot be avoided and any shortcuts you attempt to take will only stunt your progress.
Now this will vary from person to person, but I highly doubt the best version of yourself is having Cheetos for breakfast watching reruns of shitty television.
The best version of yourself takes great care of your time, hitting the gym, learning new things everyday, and taking risks by doing things that scare you.
“Where your fear is, there is your task.”
Carl Jung
Use everything in your power to move the needle if only a little bit each day because your time is very valuable and it cannot go to waste if you are ever going to attain your dreams.
Fear Is The Final Boss
If you want to be the man, you must lean into what you fear most, because for most people the only thing that holds them back from finding themselves is a genuine fear.
For most it is a fear of failure and judgement, these really low level mammalian fears that hack our brains and cause us to freeze up.
- “What will she think of me?”
- “What if they reject my business proposal?”
- “What if nobody likes my content?”
In the mind these fears can become so debilitating that it causes us to take no action at all, when in fact in the grand scheme of things these are a huge nothing burger.
These aren’t even blips on the vast universal radar, and in seeing these fears for what we’re able rationalize why our fear is unwarranted.
Society has evolved at a much faster rate than this mammalian survival instinct, if a girl rejects you or your job application gets ignored, you’re not not going to be cast away as a pariah, the most likely outcome is that nothing other than an emotional response will happen.
Learn from your mistakes and try again—because when you think in terms of decades rather than next week, I promise that eventually you will find a way to win big.
Volume and repetition with a focus on gradual improvement is the simple formula to get better at anything (also when you throw any semblance of instant gratification out the window).
Additionally, you’ll slowly but surely be able to become less reactive towards your emotions as well, and it will allow you to improve even faster because they are not weighing you down in your decision making.
Nothing is outside of your grasp if you are constantly doing things to move the needle in the right direction.
